What are “Living Amends?”

People with substance use disorder (SUD) can cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. It is not enough to help someone only once or to reach out sparingly.

• Apologies primarily focus on expressing remorse through words, whereas making amends involves a more profound commitment to translating those words into tangible actions.
• I couldn’t imagine getting where I am today without the aid of the Living Amends scholarship.
• Unfortunately, after you get sober, all the hurt and destruction you caused in the wake of your addiction doesn’t just go away.
• Thank you, Living Amends, for the scholarship and for investing in my success.
• Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve.

Scholarships

• This scholarship has given me a chance to get a strong foothold in the sober community here in Austin.
• I feel like I’ve actually built a sober family here in Texas, and it’s all thanks to Living Amends.
• Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine the best way to address this issue.
• It ranged from promising to fix something around the house to going to a family gathering.
• Here, we explore Step 9, its goals, possible outcomes, and effective language for making amends.
• Addiction can make a person act in destructive and compulsive ways, causing them to lie, manipulate, neglect, and/or cause emotional or physical harm to themselves or others.

Some people in your life may not be receptive on your timeline. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. If you’ve devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and Sobriety willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others.

Recovery Support

Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view. Recovery.com uses a standard procedure to make sure treatment provider profiles on our site are current and complete. To learn about how your donation can impact someone’s life, please contact us today.

What are Living Amends?

Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. You have to be honest with yourself about whether you have a valid reason to opt out of direct amends. Just keep in mind that you should never use the concept of living amends to run away from an apology. Odds are, your list will begin with loved ones (family members and friends) or previous partners. As you go further, you’ll start adding coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, and even random strangers.

We can only become who we intend to be, and acknowledge to others that those addictive behaviors have no place in our lives from here on out. We may be in recovery, but our family members may not be able to trust that it’s permanent or sincere. It took time for us to emerge from our chrysalis fully committed to recovery, and the people around us are entitled to go through the process without being rushed. All we can do is get sober, be the best person we can be and, above all, be patient. We provide a safe, nurturing, and non-judgmental space where clients can focus solely on their recovery journey. Our supportive community fosters trust and encourages open communication, allowing clients to share their experiences and grow together.

• Living Amends partners with sober living facilities to closely monitor each scholarship and intervene if obstacles arise to long-term sobriety.
• I now sponsor several guys in the community and have gone into business for myself.
• Regardless if they can or can’t apologize directly, they choose to walk the walk and make better choices.
• Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future.
• In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life.

So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care.

I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). Over the years, in small bits and pieces, I have been able to share small pearls of my Al-anon wisdom. Just as each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s.

• But as mentioned earlier, making amends isn’t just about saying sorry and acknowledging past mistakes.
• Making amends helps repair relationship problems caused by addiction.
• This tends to result in enhanced relationships and repairing ones that were injured.
• My significant other was determined not to give up hope and began reaching out to his friends in the program in Kerrville.
• The first month, we pay 75%, the second month 50%, and the final month 25% of the monthly rent.

Sometimes, the person being approached for amends may need more time to be willing or ready to engage. It’s important to respect their boundaries and not force the interaction, as this could potentially cause further harm. It is also crucial to understand that the other person may never be ready. This is when you ask a sponsor, recovery coach, or similar support person how to proceed. For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event.

What’s the Difference Between Making Amends and an Apology?

Sometimes, direct amends are not possible or advisable, especially if reaching out might cause further harm to others or reopen old wounds. In such cases, living amends—ongoing changes in behavior, attitudes, and daily actions—become an alternative way to show accountability and a commitment to sobriety. Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time. This may involve attending family therapy or individual therapy. You will need to demonstrate that you are committed to rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship with them. Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends.

In a sober living house, members can transition out of treatment and adjust to their new substance-free lifestyle. They also have the opportunity to work on repairing their relationships with friends and family that may have been damaged because of their previous addiction struggles. Successfully approaching and accomplishing step nine requires the alcoholic in recovery to be willing to go to any lengths to make amends to those individuals whom they have harmed in the past.